Continuous Desistance
by Atticus Rayne
Summary: Much time has passed since the events of Millennium took place. Integra is hosting a huge party to announce big news that will determine the beginning of the end of Hellsing.
1. Chapter 1

The crystals on her dress shimmered in the deep moonlight, she sighed, her hand rest on the cold window she looked out of. The floor length ball gown was something she wasn't used to. She lightly tugged at the large dress. The crimson color seemed to be suitable for the night.

"Sir, I think you look marvelous! I don't think I've ever saw you in a dress before."

"Thank you Seras," she replied. Seras made circles in the room, making her own dress flare out. Sera's dress wasn't as much of a mature style as her master's, but the brilliance of it was just as spectacular. The bright blue color lit up the room. Stopping at her knees it showed off her sparkling platinum heels. She wore diamonds around her wrists, neck, and in her hair.

"I'm so excited! We've never had a party quite like this before!" Seras continued to bounce around the room, making twirls and dips.

Integra turned to face the dancing girl, "You go on ahead Seras, I'll be right behind you in a few minutes."

Seras nodded, heading out the door.

Integra stopped by the full length mirror, staring at herself, but not. She was lost in thought; her mind was a million miles from the place she stood. Finally ready to face the crowd she headed toward the bedroom door. As she reached for the ornate doorknob hands reached out to her. One black gloved hand gently touched her rarely curled hair.

"Beautiful," came the disembodied low voice through the door.

"…I, well…" Integra started, taking a step back so the vampire could step through the closed door. "You look happy tonight," she said.

Alucard looked her up and down, a grin taking up most of his pale face.

"I like this look on you." His smile was genuine but something about it made her nervous. Integra involuntarily took a step back.

Alucard had dressed formal for the occasion also. He wore a sleek black suit with subtle pinstripes. His collared shirt was a luminous red, and he wore a black tie. Something about the outfit made Integra think he looked even more vampiric than normal.

"You don't believe me do you?" his smile dropped some. Integra looked at the floor, "I'm not what I used to be…" she said softly.

"No. You're better."

He offered his arm to her, "Let me walk you down." She took it, and they entered the party together.


	2. Chapter 2

The ball room was full of people, high officials, officers, anyone who was in connection with Hellsing showed.

The room was decorated exquisitely for the occasion. The marbled floor seemed to glow under the lavish chandeliers. Candles lined the towering windows on exquisite stands. The entire room was lit up with golden light.

Integra quickly got separated from Alucard as people came to talk to her. He took a spot by the staircase, and watched the party progress. He held a drink in hand, but never took a sip. No one would notice, even if they happened to notice him, which they didn't.

In the corner a small orchestra performed works from hundreds of years ago. Integra had given him choice of music. The works of Johann Pachelbel, Tomaso Albinoni, Johann Sebastian Bach, Mozart, Tchaikovsky, and Rachmaninov played faintly. Alucard quietly hummed along to every note played.

He watched as Seras conversed with the men who tried to woo her, dancing with the ones that made her smile. If only they knew.

After watching the party progress for a while he quickly became bored. He turned back to Integra across the wide room, and watched as she talked with everyone. She smiled at them, but it was forced. She looked worn, she didn't want to talk, she didn't want this party. This he knew. He wouldn't examine his master's mind for the reason she called all these humans here, but he could tell by the way she acted there was a cumbersome weight that rested on her shoulders. He pushed his thoughts into her mind, _'if you tell them now, you wouldn't have to let this drag on any longer.'_

Integra jumped a bit at the sound of his voice inside her head.

"Are you alright Sir Hellsing?" said the man she conversed with.

"Yes. Quite. Thank you," she turned and looked at Alucard through a mass of people, a smirk slid across his face.


	3. Chapter 3

She walked toward him. Her long, flowing blonde curls swayed with each step she took. She was the only human and only creature, living or dead, he respected and held in the highest of honor. Her steps were proud and sure. They were still powerful, even after all this time. Alucard could smell her across the room. He singled out her specific scent; old cigars, a subtle yet elegant floral perfume, and blood. The smell of her blood was the sweetest in the entire room.

"Master?" He hissed when she had reached him.

"How dare you interrupt my conversation like that!" she said angrily. Her clenched hand shook.

He ignored her menacing tone and stance.

"May I have this dance?" he held out a black gloved hand for her to take.

Integra's features softened, "You…" Her arms dropped to her sides and she looked at his outstretched hand. This wasn't like him. He had never asked her to dance before, but then again there weren't many opportunities. She gingerly took his hand and he walked her to the middle of the dance floor.

She didn't know he could dance, but that would be silly, him being so old, of course he probably learned somewhere. He placed one hand on her waist and took the other in his own. His hands were as strong and hard as stone, hers felt weak and delicate in his grasp. He led. They moved slow, turning to the music. It had been so many years since she had danced, although it came back to her easily. In fact, it seemed that she was dancing not all out of her own accord. She half wondered if he was doing something within her to help her along. She never learned how to dance like this before. She could have tried to stop him, but something about it was ethereal and magical. The moves were complex; they felt old, very old.

They turned to the music.

"This is beautiful Alucard, what is it?" she asked.

"Tchaikovsky. Sérénade mélancolique."

They were quiet for a few more minutes. Looking around she noticed people cleared the floor where they were dancing. Onlookers gave space for them and they watched silently. Integra was lost in thought when he spoke again, just above a whisper, just loud enough for her to hear, "Moscow, 1876. I was there the first time it was played. An awfully bitterly cold January day, if I remember correctly."

She looked up at his face, his eyes were closed. For a second he seemed almost human, less menacing; his features subtlety changed with the movements he made. She wondered when the last time he had done such a human thing, and had such a human experience.


	4. Chapter 4

"This isn't just some party you decided to have on a whim is it," he said with his eyes still closed. It wasn't a question. He knew something was amiss, Integra thought. He would find out sooner or later. She figured she would tell him now. Besides, he has the right to know and the right to know before everyone else, even if it was just a couple hours before everyone else. It would give him time to react.

She bit her lower lip, how _would _he react? Surely it wouldn't be that much of a shock to him. It was bound to happen sometime.

"No, there is actually quite an important purpose for inviting everyone here." She sighed.

Alucard opened his eyes and thought about digging her mind for the answer. It would be quicker, but he honored her more than to do that.

"I'm retiring." He stopped dancing and she looked up at him. His golden red eyes bore into her. "I'm announcing it tonight. I have no successor and they shall decide who, if anyone, will continue Hellsing's work."

The party had continued around them, and no one paid them much mind.

"I'll need to speak with you later," she said.

She let go of his hands and walked away silently. When she turned around he was gone.

It was time, she thought.

-Much later that night-

As Integra climbed the stairs to her bedroom, the only thing on her mind was sleep. The last of the guests had finally left and the huge empty mansion seemed quieter than normal.

The night had gone fairly smooth and the retirement was not that much of a shock to anyone. There would be meetings to discuss the future of Hellsing, and Integra agreed to be part of these until a plan was decided. As she neared her door she thought she heard voices coming from the other side.

The room was dark, but the curtains were pulled back slightly. The moon illuminated two shadowy figures who turned to look at her silently.

"Seras! Alucard! You two scared me! Why are you here?"

"The talk." Alucard said solemnly.

"Ah…"

"I'll leave you two alone," Seras said, moving past Integra, "good night Sir, I'll talk to you in the morning." Integra nodded off toward her.

She turned to Alucard, "Can this not wait until morning?" She asked pleadingly, "I'm so very tired."

"I had hoped we could talk tonight. If not, then just for a little while?" Integra had never seemed him act this way before. He looked around the room, up at the ceiling, to the floor. It was almost as if he was… nervous? No, certainly not. He took off his black gloves and casually tossed them onto a close chair. He had no intention of leaving, it seemed. He didn't move and didn't say anything. He just waited quietly for her answer.

"Hrm. I suppose. I did say I would." His eyes finally met hers. He nodded.

They took a seat near the window. They said nothing to each other for a few minutes. Integra was the first to speak, "You knew this was coming, I'm in no way fit to run the Hellsing Organization any longer. It is for the best, for both me and her majesty."

"And what of me?" he asked.

Integra drew in a deep breath. She had given thought to this. Hellsing owned him, he was their servant. She had spent many nights trying to decide what to do with him. And eventually decided there would be only three choices. She could pass him along to next in line of the Hellsing organization, lock him back where her father had kept him, or…

set him free…

What should she do with him?

Many long nights were dedicated to this decision, and within these long nights she realized something. It was something that she spent even more time contemplating. She ignored it at first, thinking it was just a deep loneliness from too many nights alone. Then she tried to change it, and turn it into a feeling completely opposite. But, she soon came to accept it, slowly, and painfully. All walls and barriers were broken down when she accepted the fact. Somewhere, deep inside her heart, she felt a longing for this being in front of her. She loved this monster.

"Alucard… my bones are brittle, my eyes have gone bad, my skin is like paper, my mind is wavering and I am at death's door." Gingerly, she stood up and walked to her floor length mirror, with Alucard watching as she went. "How many days left until I leave you and Seras? I do not know. I don't know what will become of Hellsing. I can only hope for the best," she paused, "and as for you… you are Hellsing's property. You know this. You are also an intelligent being, who cannot be confined forever to exist for eternity in the hands of mortals." She stopped here, Alucard stood by her side now.

"My dear, you are as beautiful as ever."

She stared at her reflection. She looked used and worn, more so than when the night first started. Her back was bent, her face drawn, and her body frail. She looked up at Alucard. His face was fixated on the mirror in front of him, seeing nothing of himself, but instead staring at her form.

"When I think of the woman I used to be, of the peace keeper, the monster hunter I once was… Nothing could break me… nothing could touch me… I…" Her voice wavered and she could not continue. Her knees went weak and she started to fall. Alucard wrapped his arm around her waist and lifted her to her feet. Her eyes had closed but she breathed calmly and quietly. He swept her into his arms and carried her to her ornate, wooden four poster bed.

She slept and dreamt of something she heard long ago.

The lamps now glitter down the street;

Faintly sound the falling feet;

And the blue even slowly falls  
About the garden trees and walls.

Now in the falling of the gloom  
The red fire paints the empty room:  
And warmly on the roof it looks,  
And flickers on the back of books.

Armies march by tower and spire  
Of cities blazing, in the fire;  
Till as I gaze with staring eyes,  
The armies fall, the lustre dies.

Then once again the glow returns;

Again the phantom city burns;  
And down the red-hot valley, lo!  
The phantom armies marching go!

Blinking embers, tell me true  
Where are those armies marching to,  
And what the burning city is  
That crumbles in your furnaces!

**(Armies in the Fire by Robert Louis Stevenson )**


	5. Chapter 5

_ later that night _

Faintly a voice called out in the darkness, so quiet and weak, no human could hear.

But he came.

And she called again, still unsure of this reality.

She didn't know how long she had slept. It felt like days have passed, but it could very well have only been minutes. Her lips were parched, dry, and cracked. Something cold was pressed to them and cold liquid trickled into her parted lips. Her body ached. Her heart beat slowly, faintly. The sheet on top of her felt as though it was made of lead and the mattress beneath her felt as hard as steel. Her eyes, she could not open, and when she took a breath, a pain ripped through her body. She flinched as through struck.

A hand touched her cheek.

"I know." Something inhuman whispered. Images filled her head. She saw no sunlight, just darkness. There were weapons. Guns shot impossible amounts of rounds. Flesh being torn apart. Limp bodies fell to the cold earth beneath them. And blood. So much blood. 'What do you know?' she thought. She saw past images of the lives that have met their end at her hands.

These were her dreams… 'I know the secret that you hide.' Such a dark voice… She should be afraid, she should be screaming, she should be running. Every instinct in her told her to get away from the creature that spoke those words. But, under that feeling, she felt an uneasy calmness. Then it spoke again, this time sending chills down her spine, 'I ripped it from your mind.'

Her dreams, or whatever these hallucinations in her head where, continued to intensify. She saw the repercussions of years of commands to execute, using the unworldly being as an axe.

She saw elevator doors. When they parted slightly they revealed a thin strip of light. White gloved hands parted the doors the rest of the way and in the center stood a menacing figure, covered in blood from head to foot. So much it was dripping off him. Bodies of fallen police surrounded him.

She saw a massive vessel, a tangle of twisted metal and flames that reached the heavens. Bodies littered the deck and a malicious figured grasped a custom made muzzleloader, driven into the heart of a creature of sin.

And when the images became so unbearable that she couldn't take it anymore, she let out a blood curdling scream and blacked out once again.

This time she dreamt deep dreams; ones that, upon waking, only left her with a faint, distant feeling but no memory of what they were about. This feeling was one of safety and calm.


	6. Chapter 6

Haven't had time to write a lot lately, but I wanted to update… sorry for the shortness of this…

She awoke to a dark blue morning light. Integra sat up and breathed the sweetest breath she ever took. Closing her eyes, she tried to remember the details of the night, but all she could remember was agony and a continued purgatory of near consciousness. She sat in bed still for some time, cautiously breathing in and out, waiting for the pain to return. When it didn't, she swung her legs over her bed to stand. Halfway through the motion she paused.

'What?' she said under her breath.

She slid her hand over her leg slowly. Her skin seemed tighter and where there was none before, there was now slight muscle. She examined her hands. Once wrinkled and twisted from arthritis, now replaced with long straight fingers and tauter skin.

Integra threw herself over the bed and onto the floor. She gasped for air, trying hard to breathe, but panic had already set in. She remembered the night, of suffering so intensely. This was neither Heaven nor Hell. She was alive.

In bare feet and a night gown she ran to the door, turning to avoid the mirror, and abandoning all conventions and beliefs that one must always be presentable when leaving the bedroom, she threw open the door and quickly moved down the staircase.

_Should I call to him?_ She thought. Breaking from a brisk walk to a jog, she went down another set of stairs. On her way down the second flight, she promptly stopped in the middle and looked down at herself. _A white knight gown? _For some reason knowing that she was changed during her hellish night made her all the more furious. As she came closer to his quarters she slowed and eventually stopped before the giant steel doors.

_What has he done to me?_ Was the only thought racing through her mind. She knew what she wasn't and that was a vampire. He had done something else. For Integra, someone who was schooled in monsters, not to know was quite the accomplishment of the persecutor.

Quite abruptly she felt the air change behind her and sensed something. Before she could even turn arms wrapped tightly around her waist. The steel door and stone walls in front of her became fuzzy and hazed. The haze was replaced with another image that slowly came into focus. As soon as the arms let her go she spun around, but he was already gone. The air had become cooler. Tall green hedges surrounded her and the cold stone path beneath her bare feet led to a lavish fountain. She was outside in the mansion's immense back garden. The moon hung high in the sky and stars were now visible. It was not morning. It was another night. She took a wavering breath. In the midst of all that happened, the only thing she wanted was to see the sun again…

She walked to the wooden bench beside the fountain and sat heavily.

Integra began to go over all the details of the previous night, but one moment stood out in particular to her. She remembered a horrible thirst and something cold being pressed to them; then, a liquid running past her lips.


	7. Chapter 7

When she was a child she had overheard something her father and another man were saying to each other. Her interest was piqued when her father and the guest entered the library and shut the door. Rarely did he speak in private. He believed that, for Integra to learn she must listen. But this time they sat in the library, and Integra, standing in front of the closed door, eavesdropped in on their conversation.

Only pieces of the men's conversation were heard.

"Impossible! It simply does not exist!" her father's usual calm voice sounded exasperated.

"…..does…human… partaking of vampire blood" the other man spoke.

"…humans do NOT have the capacity and ability…"

"that's the… of vampire blood. It changes even the most innocent of souls… even human."

A shadow spread over Integra's figure, blocking the moonlight that fell on her.

She looked up to see Alucard standing tall above her. She clutched her dress, fingers turning white, and stood quickly.

"WHAT DID YOU DO?!" she screamed up at him, only inches from his face, "I should have DIED!"

Tears welled in her eyes, " I… would have… died," and the tears fell. She weeped quietly.

Throughout all the decades they shared together she had never let him see her cry. She felt broken and defeated.

"How dare you do this to me." She said, falling back into to bench. She covered her face, " Never, never once, did I ever ask for this! And you do it without my permission."

"Alucard," she whispered, "what did you do to me?" Questions filled her head and her mouth moved to ask more but no sound came out.

He kneeled at her feet, bowing slightly, and said nothing.

"Alucard… what will happen to me?" she whispered again, "what am I?"

"Alucard.." This time her voice was pleading, and he looked up at her.

He was quiet when he finally spoke. "Don't worry, the effects are not permenent. How do you feel?" he asked.

They looked at eachother for a moment, she looked into his eyes hoping to read him, but she got nothing, his fierce red eyes just burned into her blue.

She breathed a sigh. Relucantly she said, "Wonderful."

He held out a hand to her and she took it, he lead her to the main path and they walked together.

They walked in silence for a while, she listened to the sounds of their footsteps on the stones.

When he finally spoke she just jumped a bit, "Everyone knowsbof what happens when a vampire takes of a virgin human, and a non-virgin" he spoke, "but few know of what happens when a human takes of a vampire."

She shook her head sharply. "I don't understand, nothing should happen."

"Our blood is powerful, or to put it more accurately, what we turn human's blood into is powerful."

Integra shivered, the thought of blood being pasted to a human, to a vampire, then to her disgusted her immensely.

"Why have I never heard of this before?"

"No novice vampire could complete the process. It is against our nature to give." Integra continued to lightly shake her head at him. "In fact," he continued, "I don't believe many even know it can be done."

Integra looked away, the anger for him and what he had done somewhat diminished.

"So what happens to me?" she asked.


	8. Chapter 8

So I just realized I had a lot more people than I thought read my story. Heh... Thank you.

I hope you like this chapter. Sorry to everyone who I made wait so long... . I have a bad problem with putting things off and picking them up again after a huge amount of time.

I feel like this story is nearing the end. Not this chapter but maybe the next.

Enjoy! Tell me if this one gets too cheesy/mushy. :3

"The effects of the blood will wear off eventually. You only have one night's time."

Integra stopped walking with him and Alucard continued, taking the path to the garden labyrinth.

"I didn't give you much, enough to save your life," he said as he disappeared behind the massive green hedges. His boots echoed off the cobblestones.

Again she thought of the blood rushing through her. Being pumped though her still beating heart. The blood of how many humans? She shivered. Yet a strange feeling of closeness overtook her.

"Why...?" she whispered to herself, "I should have died...". Her mind raced through all the possible explanations as to why he had done this to her. Or for her. She looked down at her body again. It was like she had stepped back through her own timeline. The blood given to her gave her some life back, if only just for a fleeting moment. She felt stronger, looked younger, and her mind felt sharper. 'Enough to save your life', she repeated in her head. What was that supposed to mean. Had he shown compassion? Was this a way of loyalty? Or was this something else entirely? There was surely no malicious intent, nor a way to spite her or terrify or hurt her. She was still his master and he would not do that. Was he playing games with her? Integra shook her head. She was being ridiculous.

Was this simply what he wanted? She had not ordered it. He had acted on his own free will.

...and he had saved her.

She saw that he was no longer with her and she was alone at the entrance of the garden labyrinth. She entered.

Integra walked briskly. Her bare feet made the softest sounds on the cobblestones of the labyrinth. The giant hedges towered over her, making her feel more lost than she knew she was. She quickly came to the middle section of the maze. It was a small courtyard with flowers, fountains, and a small pond in the middle. She walked slowly up to the water and glanced down. She looked ethereal. The moon cast a strange light around her that seemed to make her skin glow.

"Integra." Alucards voice spoke behind her. Integra jumped at the sound, not knowing he had appeared. She turned around to face him. He looked somber.

"Integra, what do you see when you look at me? What do you think of me?" he asked pressingly.

She was taken aback. He had never asked a question such as that before. But being together for so long, in a relationship that was almost one hundred percent work she didn't realize how little she knew about him. She knew what he was but nothing about him.

She glanced back at the Hellsing estate. All she knew in her life was work and that was all he was to her for the longest time. A servant.

A pang of guilt reached her stomache. No, she thought, she shouldn't know anything about him. She was his master, he wasn't even human. But in her heart she desperately wanted to...

"I see... I think..." she began, "...I don't know. I don't know who you are."

"Do you want to know?" he asked, as he took a step toward her. "Do you want to know what forever is like?"

She took a step back, her heel caught on the concrete edge of the pond. She started to fall back and before she touched the water she was in his arms, her hair faintly touching the moonlit surface.

She looked into his blazing red eyes. How many times had she thought about that question. Why had she never wanted forever? Was it to save her soul? In the quickly passing days she grew fearful of what may become of forever. Was she really ready to leave him?

And what if she truely wanted to save her soul from vampirism? What if it was already lost from the horrors she had ordered...

"You have until day break, Integra." he said as he lifted her back to her feet.

His solemn expression suddenly changed to a look of amusement. "You should see yourself." he said with a slight smile.

He took a few steps back. "My lady," he spoke as he bowed deeply while extending his arms out to his right side, "your carriage awaits."

She took his hand and a sudden haze engulfed them both.


	9. Chapter 9

**Last Chapter. Fairly short but I don't think anything extra was needed. I feel like I might have lost the characters a bit the more I wrote but I guess that's to be expected. What I wanted them to do is very OOC anyway heh. Thank you everyone who has stayed with me to see this to the end. I'm by no means a professional writer but I wanted this to exist somewhere since it has always been in my mind. I hope the ending is not a disappointment. **

The wind whipped at Integra's long hair. They stood atop Cheddar Gorge in Somerset.

"Alucard this is beautiful." she whispered. The moon cast deep shadows over the steep cliffs and the mist hung heavily in the air. She glanced at Alucard who looked, not at the breathtaking cliffs or the far winding road beneath them, but up at the moon. He had a lighter aura around him it seemed to her; almost as if he were content. As she looked at him she remembered long ago telling herself no happiness would ever come from this creature. Nothing truely good would come from him. He was a creature of the night and a product of death.

What she wanted her entire life was some sort of peacefulness, but early on came to terms with the impossibility of such a state in the life fate handed to her and she had accepted.

Now, as she looked into his face she thought, 'I've spent my entire life searching and I never found this feeling I have right here in this moment. Maybe it does lie where I wasn't expecting."

"Alucard," she said. "I need to explain something to you. I never wanted this," she gestured to her now youthful body, "but now what I have it..." she trailed off.

After a few moment she started again, "I should be furious at you, you showed me something which I never thought I wanted and never should have known. I should be angry you have compromised me... You messed with nature when you saved my life. "

Alucard turned to her, "You regret my decision?" he asked.

"Yes," she breathed, "but no... I'm, i'm happy Alucard. Thank you."

She stepped toward the edge of the bluff and spread her arms wide. "Alucard?" she said. "Integra?" Alucard answered back as a genuine smile curled at the edges of his mouth. "I'm happy," she said, "I'm truly happy!"

They stayed that way for quite some time, enjoying each others company in the silence. Moments passed and Integra only thought of one thing over and over again until her mind could hold it no longer and it escaped her lips.

"It was you I was thinking of as I was falling into darkness. I called your name out loud, but I was thinking so much inside. You said, 'I know', but you said more than that didn't you? I heard it not with my ears, but with my mind. When I was thinking of you, calling to you, needing you; you said "As do I."

Alucard took her hands in his, "This could be ours, forever Integra."

For a few moments they looked at the sky in silence. It had turned to a dusty blue, and a faint light shone over the horizon.

Tears welled in her eyes, " I don't know if I was ready to die at that moment. I don't know if I am ever ready to die."

Her knees buckled and she collapsed to the soft grass. A beam of soft morning light cascaded over the edge of the cliff.

He took her in his arms and cradled her like a child. The light behind her eyes was darkened and he could hear the sound of death in her breath.

"Tell me." he said quietly but urgently. "What is your choice?"

She held up a now crooked frail hand to his white face. "Alucard," she said smiling, "I've known for so long. I was too weak to tell you." Her hand dropped to her side. "I love you."

He clutched her weak body close to his; one hand supporting her back and the other woven in her long blond hair. "TELL ME! Integra please..." his voice ripped with pain, "WHAT DO YOU CHOOSE!?"

"Don't let me go." she whispered.


End file.
